Ga Ga Guaranteed: Engineering Undergrad S.U.C.C.E.S.S. Algorithm

By Larry Chiang

Skimming this article won’t work.

Seriously shut down your IM. Turn off your two phones. And focus your 155 IQ points on this.

If your IQ isn’t 1-5-5, leave.
If you can’t focus using “momentary singular focus”, leave now.

The old way was an ultimate success formulae – I concocted, developed an ultimate success algorithm.

It involves
- pattern recognition (that u get an old old rich executive with)
- pattern replication
- pattern iteration

I broke into an industry by hacking the Fair Isaac credit card credit score algorithm. I crashed film school with another algorithm. I authored 13 algorithms that I dumbed down into “Gua Gua Guacamole”. My algorithms could get sold, but I give them away. It’s cuz I’m rich and hiLarryAss.

If you’re foreign, you’re bristling at my tone. If you’re a white dude from the Midwest… You’re thinking I’m your new BFF.

And I am.

Your end result and goal should be to be an engineering entrepreneur co-founder with zero risk exposure.

Zero risk.

Tell that nasty risk to take a hike!!

Old people that tell us to take massive risks WHILE YOU’RE YOUNG never took risks themselves. I’m the guy that reverse engineers what they did so you can pattern replicate what they did versus what they are saying you should do.

Have you ever played the board game Risk?! PLOT SPOILER: The winner sits in Australia protecting one border and never “risks” ANYTHING.

I was taught this by engineer entrepreneurs. Now here is the algorithm

ENGR DIYVC

Lifestyle biz + ENGR degree + moonlight + fortune 100 J.O.B. = zero risk = #DIYVC (do it yourself VC)

#wokEthic = work ethic but Asian :-)

Co-founding a life style business is what they teach at ENGR 145. It’s about 650 steps. Execute 400-420 of them by reading. Re-reading. Executing. Pattern iterating. Reading. Pattern replicating.

The other parts of my S.U.C.C.E.S.S. ALGO you’ll have to google search. And read

The Ga Ga Guaranteed exits and are your lifestyle business ideas. You keep it, it’s a lifestyle business. You sell it… It’s an exit. The Ga Ga Guaranteed exits are an Easter egg hunt in my twitter feed. The tweets are labelled “Ga Ga Guaranteed” from Sept 2011 to April 2012. If you are foreign, an Easter egg hunt is where treats are buried inside plastic Easter eggs by aunties that stuff a $50 bill inside.

What am I doing?! Pivoting SLAC. I’m risk free trying to be a trillionaire

Cray cray?!

This will boil-bake your IQ 250 brain. Your electric car boils water to propel fwd. But my high school car, Buster, doesn’t. He’s a 1992 BMW. Got Atomic power? It boils water. Pivoting SLAC entails taking nuclear power to Internal Nuclear Fission Engine-ate.

But you’re a non engineer reading this and you. Hate. Me.

So here is a gift for reading this far. Here is an algorithm to “hack” business school. Don’t pay $200k. Get paid $30k to learn it.

Get a library card. Get a list of books GSB uses. Master finance and accounting.

Finance is engineering calculus for retards.

Accounting is engineering financial dashboard metrics with jargon, terms and rules that take about 400 hrs to master. You understand fluid dynamics. 1/100th the brain power needed to understand GAAP, TVPI, npv, WACC, and interest.

*** BONUS ***
a party invite for you…

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog

Secret Way for CS Majors to Run A Credit Report WITHOUT A TRACE

By Larry Chiang

Larry Chiang Interviews CNN’s Chris Peacock on Credit Scores

****************

I have a METHOD of getting your credit report and not having it negatively impact FICO credit score. For cs Majors ONLY, I’ll personally deliver you a credit report. Text me a picture of your name written in pen/sharpie/chalk/white-board marker OR sharpie.

I said sharpie twice because I really like Sharpies as they help with addressing postage mail paper envelopes.

Megan at MBFW

Paper trail of mail works at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week and for your credit card credit score

*** BONUS ***
a party invite for you…

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog

How to Alpha Male in Silicon Valley

By Larry Chiang

Welcome to Silicon Valley. Summer brings a non oscillatory swing in temps from a frigid 64 to highs of 88 here in downtown Palo Alto. Sarcasm doesn’t work via the printed word and neither does out-alpha-male-ing.

With the summer on-slaught of migrant Ivy league interns, I humbly offer 11 insights. Two you’ll scoff at, 3 you’ll laugh out-loud at and maybe ONE you’ll remember.

I wrote this post for men about men. If you’re a female, I write for us there at Women 2.o. I just wrote about Imposter Syndrome http://www.women2.org/imposter-syndrome-and-how-to-beat-it-cisco-co-founder-sandy-lerner-and-barbara-tuchman/ (Find me May 4 being all y’alls exec admin for a party in Palo Alto. 251 Hamilton. 5-9pm FRI)

11 Mistake Males Make Out- Alpha Maleing

-1- Silicon Valley is one flat hierarchy

Access is so so easy. Do your homework by: pre-blogging your networking goal, reading what your target wrote, emailing at them, tweeting at em, promoting what they promote, and blogging about them more.

-2- Give recognized alphas more data

Alphas in this town are massively risk adverse when networking with new people. Most only take a warm intro. Hack this by getting them more data about you. So, go and re-do step #1.

-3- So there is really no such thing as too much stalking.

Stalking is persistence in engineering serendipity

I met my current girlfriend because she just kept showing up at stiffy from my plancast events. I mean she’s uber hawt and she stalks me so GAME ON. It applies to networking with alpha males because

-4- Alpha Males Want Talented and Persistent

Being plain ol’ genius book smart just doesn’t get you to second base here in the Silicon Valley. You HAVE to be street smart too.

-5- Trolling Doesn’t Work.

Trolling works in foreign countries but it doesn’t work here.

-6- Silicon Valley is seemingly international but it’s American to the core.

I mentor foreign people. Remember I’m foreign (sorta).

-7- Be an Alpha by Being More American than America.

Here is my time allocation recommendation: 70-20-10. 70% core work. 20% invested time. 10% donated time. American are incredibly donation and philanthropy oriented. It’s why we saved Europe and Asia in one war. Think about it.

-7- Be an Alpha by Being More Chinese than China.

I’m not saying be American and forget you are Shanghainese. I’m saying in addition to your engineering degree, you should excel at a varsity sport. Be Chinese simultaneously.

For example, I’m making Japan apologize for Nanking

-8- All Hat.

Your ratio of cowboy hat to cowboy skills can be hacked with hustle.

Cowboy skills include hosting something and event producing your way up in the alpha non-hierarchy

-9- Stop picking out my contradictions

You look for contradictions, you will find them. Remember, it’s a contradiction to aspire for street smarts and book smarts. It’s a contradiction to pay a CS 106A kid $7k before you audit cs 106A. It’s a contradiction to add sour to sweet but General Tzu’s chicken is living proof contradictions are just genius things we do not yet comprehend

-10- Tweet to your 11 followers

This town views at-replies as valued press. Alphas in this town care about getting mentioned. Especially angel investors.

Exalt and promote in your twitter stream. People in silicon valley character compass you by typing in your twitter URL and reading. They may not follow you, but VIPs will read.

Read: http://gigaom.com/2008/05/16/networking-how-to-work-a-twitter-party/

-11- I want your ideas in the comments!!

*** BONUS ***
a party invite for you…

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog

What Seth Sternberg Can Teach a Stanford Engineer About Entrepreneurship

By Larry Chiang

I’m an Entrepreneur in Residence (EIR) at Stanford University. It’s a first for an engineering school to have an EIR that lives on campus.

As EIR, I am required to motivationally speak. But what makes me different from better and more qualified entrepreneurs is that I motivationally listen.

I listen and take lotsa of notes. Sometimes I crash conferences like the Princeton University one held in Palo Alto over the weekend. Here is “What Seth Sternberg Can Teach a Stanford Engineer About Entrepreneurship”

-1- Raise VC Money After Product Gets Traction

Seth said, “Getting VC money is easy after your product gets adoption”. Hustling up those intros and turning them into term sheets is hard BT (before traction)

-2- Only take seed investment from seed funds

Series A investors have been doing seed rounds but that doesn’t mean you should take that money.

-3- Add value as non tech founder

As ceo, Seth buffers so that his tech co founders COULD work.

He went for supplies, got them food. Was a beta.

*** BONUS ***
a party invite for you…

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog

7 Mistakes We Women Make with Entrepreneur Conferences

By Larry Chiang

I’m going to “She Plus Plus” http://sheplusplus.weebly.com/

It’s a tech conference for women at Stanford University. I go because, well, there are women there. Entrepreneurial, tech savvy women.

No, my father doesn’t know I go
No, my mother does not know I crash undergrad women focused conferences sometimes with my CNN press pass.

But my funds’ (plural!) LPs expect to get a return so I respect them and their fund of fund’s. I actually don’t know what that means. I just know I have to make the money returned GREATER THAN money I’ve taken.

Here are “7 Mistakes Female Entrepreneur Conferences Make” — I just changed the deal on you— yup, I’m a VC.

-1- Fail to get men in subservient positions

Have you seen who works the door at tech events?!

Women do. Usually minority women.

Well, at a women’s entrepreneur conference, I’d get dudes to be our checkin bitches.

-2- Pre-Blog

Pre-event blogging is critical. I gained Paris Hilton status showing people an engineered method to get the knowledge of business school BEFORE you go. To business school.

Pre-blog to preview the knowledge of your conference “She Plus Plus”

-3- Make sure you get a housekeeping – call to order speaker

This person introduces the conference chairs and tells us where bathrooms are like a male flight attendant.

They don’t get to even say their name.

Ideally it’s an alpha male celebrity that does this demeaning role of having to quiet people down. Announce schedule changes. Usher, wrangle and get all dressed up in a suit on a Saturday just to speak for 6 minutes

-4- Fail to Do a Pre Conference Party

Before sxsw, I threw a dozen parties promoting sxsw and sxsw isn’t even my franchise.

Pre-conference parties build awareness. Drive conversions.

-5- No freebies.

We as women dont value stuff that’s free. I mean when have we yearned for a purse that didn’t cost $2k?!

In fact, we run from free.

Want a free dinner at Evvia at Table 60 with Larry Chiang?

You think: ‘what’s-the-catch-umm-no’

So why are we doing $0 conference tix when comparable conferences cost $2k? This leads me to…

-6- The Stanford iPad Giveaway

Come and you’ll be entered into a drawing for a free iPad or two.

We did not do that where I went. You were lucky to get lunch and a Chinese TA whose accent was so thick I stood at the front and translated (for a fee). Yes, I went to the self funded institution in the Urbana community area of Illinois.

-7- Larry Chiang Reverse Rebate Model (LCRRM)

Failure to use LCRRM is a big mistake. Especially for a free conferences

Google LCRRM
It has a replicable (dare I say) recipe to sell out an event

BONUS
-8- Failure to have a man cook for is women

I mean the ultimate form of success for Chinese people is to hire a while gardener or while landscape architecture professional.

At female entrepreneurship conferences a powerful alpha male should come effen cook for us. Breakfast.

We as burgeoning female leaders need to trust but confirm. I mean do wr want a man to eff up our lunch??! Nope cook us breakfast. Maybe chocolate chip pancakes. If you screw them up, we will have bagels.

*** BONUS ***
a party invite for you…

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog

Enroll in Stanford Engineering ENGR 145

By Larry Chiang

ENGR 145 alums teach!

It solves the problem of ENGR 145 not getting taught this quarter at Stanford.

This is for our Unofficial ENGR 145 project
11pm-1am two days per week

It’s open to engineers ONLY**
It costs $35,500*
*if youre an active Stanford student, your cost is a negative 400.oo

Direct your questions either to me or an e145 kid that I have mentored

Q: why are you doing this?
Ans: it solves a problem. ENGR 145 not getting taught fall quarter leaves a gap in the Stanford entrepreneur calendar

Q: why are you spending $$ to do this?
Ans: I’m rich, bored, talented and rich this is my hobby

Q: Do you even work at Duck9?
Answer: In college I played a varsity sport, sold ads for the Daily Illini, sold cars, started and became a cash millionaire founder, was an officer at my frat, cooked Fri lunch for my frat for 120 guys. And dated a Theta.

No one *ever* asked me of I was still Deans list in engineering.

Q: I’m foreign and I don’t trust you.
Answer: isnt that a statement?

Look. I’m from a country that doesn’t sneak attack a neighbor.

Plus why attack Canada and Mexico??

My parents are from a county that forgets that Nanking ever happened.

You’re not “buying it” so just know that I strive to be more American. I strive to be more Chinese too (that’s easy too ying wei wo tsang da yang zi bu tsuao

Q: can I fail?
Answer: most entrepreneurs fail 80.0%
My goal is to have you bat over .300 (fail only ~70%)

Q: what do I pay?
Answer: 400.oo or $35,500
You get your $400 back after you show up for 60% of Unofficial ENGR 145 events

Q: what can I pay you later after I’m filthy rich
Answer: toss me a vacation comp. Deny I ever helped you is a form of payment. I will judge you in how you treat me, yes, but what I’m saying is that I don’t need your credit, your praise, your thankfulness or your money.

A thank you card done in construction paper and crayon gives me 90% of the joy as a comp suite at the top of Four Seasons NYC Ty Warner suite

Yeah it’s the most expensive hotel accommodation according to Conde Nast.

Yes I crashed a party there during the UN Gen Ass September 21, 2011.

Yes Ty Warner is from Oak Brook IL and sold about a billion dollars worth of stuffed animals as a sequel biz to Dakin (sequel biz is a patented larry chiang guacamole recipe)

By patented, I mean you can copy-paste it for free

Copy Paste is chapter 3 of “What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School”

I just want you to know that I learned this from my dead mentor, Mark McCormack. He wrote: What They Will NEVER Teach You at Harvard Business School

Q: What is ENGR 145
Answer: technology entrepreneurship

Google ‘Unofficial ENGR 145′
It’s #hiLarryAss

Q: Are you really a supermodel?
Answer: :-I
I pay 70% commission if you land me a modeling gig. I dont do runway. I do print. And remember I’m 6’5″, 222 so don’t make me where European clothes or a 40R. But know I can sell a sweater in an a print advertisement to a person on the Equator in summer.

Q: Are you remedial?! It’s always summer on the equator.
Answer: Dumb yourself down and Sandbag For Success. It’s chapter 13 of my NyTimes bestselling book: What They Don’t Teach You at Stanford Business School

Q: I don’t go to Stanford University – when do you come to my school?
Answer: I’m already doing MIT twice per year.

Btw I have 5 cofounders
I launched this on Josefine Kvist’s wall

Yo Stanford ENGR
Pick a session of ENGR 145 that you’ve mastered enough where you could teach it.
Email me that session chiang9@duck9.com

This is for our Unofficial ENGR 145 project
11pm-1am two days per week

It solves the problem of ENGR 145 not getting taught this quarter

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘ *** BONUS *** a party invite for you… Online event registration powered by Eventbrite

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog .

Who is Larry Chiang Here at MBFW

By Larry Chiang

MBFW is a little too immersed with Larry Chiang

I get a bunch of emails, tweets and even texts. I put my cell on my YouTube branded home page. Anyway, here is my role and why I’m around.

-1- I am first and foremost a fan

MBFW is a living, breathing community . It changes and gets better every year. I’m a fan

-2- MBFW Triple Threat

I model, host and launched a book here at MBFW

On 09-09-09, I released my book. It not only hit the NY Times bestseller list, it was also on the google home page for 9 minutes.

-3- Over-Stayed my 15 minutes

I get more than my 15 minutes because I studied and hacked celebrity .

I also recognize and promote rising stars.

4- parties and appearances.

Sure I have an assistant — but I want you to feel you can contact me directly .

I don’t charge for appearances (as a Quasi journalist it’d be a conflict. Yes I wrote two of the top ten traffic posts for BusinessWeek: “What a Supermodel Can Teach a Stanford MBA”)

5- who is my mentor.

Mark McCormack was my mentor.

He founded IMG which founded MBFW. He wrote “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. I have a copy for you in my hotel at the Westin.

DISCLOSURE: I appeared (mostly naked) in their “Who’s he sleeping with campaign”. It launched their heavenly bed.

Of course you can text me your snail mail address and I will mail you a copy or have one at the oh-so-helpful Westin concierge :-)

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘ *** BONUS *** a party invite for you… Online event registration powered by Eventbrite

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog .

How Do You Hack Loyalty as a College Student

By Larry Chiang

Loyalty is tremendously under-studied

Me, I study random stuff and look to hack it. By hacking, I mean engineering how it works

After reading this tweet, it got me to break down two insights…

Insights are below, but what are your thoughts after reading this snippet?

My thinking is wow, after 30+ years, this guys still remembers his first break.

If you’re looking for your first big break or next break… read on!

Eff it, I just cried while writing this

I just cried while writing this because I got major, MAJOR, major beaks from some random GIFT opportunity (cc Heaven’s Mark McCormack. Authored: “What They Don’t Teach at Harvard Business School”

cc Tom Kosnik, Stanford Engineering Professor and author of “Delight”)

Anyway, loyalty insights…

-1- older people extrapolate younger people live longer than them.

Older people’s legacy depends on getting remembered.

For example, sell or promote something like Bobby Rivers. Other older people will say in their mind: i wish I were Melvin Van Peebles getting promoted by Bobby Rivers

-2- show loyalty to something

So many people in Hollywood, Silicon Valley and nyc Social Climb. Show and sell some loyalty to something.

I was GIVEN a BMW by my neighbor because he sold it to me at 10k below his ask and 20+k below blue book. It was because I was uber loyal to a crappy Buick.

I sell my mentor Mark McCormack and have given away many copies of “What They Don’t Teach at Harvard Business School”. It primes the loyalty pump. It gets other people to notice. It is good karma.

This is me:

Larry Chiang
CEO, Duck9
Stanford Entrepreneur in Residence

Duck9 = Deep Underground Credit Knowledge 9

http://www.duck9.com/blog

125 University Ave Suite 100
Palo Alto CA 94301
650-566-9600

****************
Editor of the BusinessWeek Channel “What They Don’t Teach at Business School

http://whattheydontteachyouatstanfordbusinessschool.com/blog

***************
NY Times Bestselling Author
“What They Don’t Teach at Stanford Business School” http://whattheydontteachyouatstanfordbusinessschool.com/

http://www.Twitter.com/LarryChiang

650-566-9696 (direct)
650-566-9600
650-283-8008 (cell)

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘ *** BONUS *** a party invite for you… Online event registration powered by Eventbrite

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog .

ProsperAss Funny Movie quotes

by Larry Chiang

“ProsperAss” is a 2012 comedy about three girls at a strip club and accidentally start a loan sharking business. The movie is based on the NY Times bestselling “What They Don’t Teach You at Stanford Business School”.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Loan sharking.
Alex: You know what you call a person who thinks getting money at 2% and lending it for 5% a 20% margin
Ashley: No, what?
Alex: An effen genius.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Loan sharking.
Ashley: Loan sharking is cruel. It makes you an asstard
Alex: Loan dolphin.
Ashley: You are always talking about your dolphin
Alex: Floggin’ dolphin.
Ashley: You’re SO remedial genius.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Pager Humor.
Amber: His number has BooB in it cuz it ends in 8008
Alex: I bet he is an ass man
Amber: 650-283 BOOB
Alex: And there is at “a-t-e” cuz its 2-8-3.
Alex: 650 eat boob.
Amber: Ill let him eat my boob.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Dancing

Sheila: “Grinding is the new ballroom dancing”

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Boobs.

Amber: Boobs-dar engage.
Alex: Approximate loan to boob ratio: 30 to 1
Amber: she can pole dance til she’s 90. she’ll always OWE
Alex: Exactamundo
Amber: Gawd, my boob dar is never wrong.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Business School

Alex: She went to b-school for her MRS degree
Sheila: MRS Degree?
Alex: Yeah, married.
Sheila: and now can’t get LAID.
Alex: hiLarryASS

Funny Dilemma Quotes: Slutty

Alex: “Lost my virginity on a snow day”
Man: Huh.
Alex: Exit only buddy. My butt hymen is intact
Man: You CANT have a butt hymen
Alex: Wanna bet. You have a butt hymen I am gonna bust it.

Funny Dilemma Quotes: Roofie

Sheila: “Roofie myself up once is ok but for a relationship, doing it all the time?! Never.”

Funny Dilemma Quotes: Nuts

Alex: Time Value Boobie!
Lawrence: TVB. Its like time value of money but boobies droop and depreciate over time.

Funny Dilemma Quotes: Boob job financing

Alex: BJ Financing
Nick: You finance blow jobs?
Alex: Boob Jobs. BJ financing is boob job financing.

Funny Dilemma Quotes: Speech

Sheila: Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of ‘em.
Alex: What are you doing? Are you giving me, really, the Charlie Sheen speech from the movie Wall Street?
Sheila: It’s applicable to what we’re doing. I’m mean it’s not like I’m going to come up with something better than that.

Funny Dilemma Quotes: accidental dial

Sheila: You butt dialed our investor.
Alex: Literally a back-channel communication

Funny Dilemma Quotes: Part time work

Alex: There is nothing more permanent than a part time job at a strip club
Sheila: you know what they call cocktail waitresses here?! Strippers with small boobies.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Vibration.

Sheila: A phone vibrating between my legs is hardly a good substitute for a relationship
Two phones. Both set to VIBRATE. One’s in my breast pocket. The other’s tucked.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Register a Domain Name.
Sheila: Cute, all y’all should get that URL. Japanic. Half japanese. half hispanic. Japanic.

Funny Dilemma Quotes: Hot or Not.

Sheila: Ya never go fully retarded.
Alex: huh?
Sheila: Hot or Not. I can haz cheezburger. Zappos. All asian and all went partial retard. you never go fully retarded.
Did you just quote Morton Downey Jr in Tropic Thunder
Sheila: Copy paste baby! I’m mean it’s not like I’m going to come up with something better than that.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Jappie.

Jappie isn’t asian. Jappie is Jewish American Princess

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Booty call.

They call it booty calling. They don’t call it booty facebook wall posting

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Fortune cookies
Fortune u reap is the company u keep

Alex: Did you seriously just stuff that fortune cookie.
Sheila: Like you’ve never stuffed something.

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Breast Christmas Ever
Sheila: It’ll be the Breast Christmas ever. with a snow day
Alex: Breast?
Sheila: Breast. Christ-Mass. Evah.
Alex: arent you planning ahead.
Sheila: Every year it happens in Late December. Every year I make money doing it

http://www.breastchristmasever.com/

Funny ProsperAss Quotes: Business Name

Alex: We should drop the ass
Sheila: you drop acid
Alex: We should drop the ass in ProsperAss
Sheila: Just be Prosper.com or Prosperous
Alex: Prosper
Sheila: how about “The Prosper”
Then Justin Timberlake can tell us to drop the ‘The’
Alex: Visit and drop other stuff too.

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘ *** BONUS *** a party invite for you… Online event registration powered by Eventbrite

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog .

Guacamole RECIPE: Don’t Ask Permission. Ask Forgiveness.

by Larry Chiang

Something surprising and new I observe in the market is the transparency of tech speakers.

If you liked this… Larry’s mentor Mark McCormack wrote this in 1983. His own book came out 09-09-09. It is called ‘What They Don’t Teach You At Stanford Business School‘ *** BONUS *** a party invite for you… Online event registration powered by Eventbrite

This post was drafted in an hour and needs your edits… email me if you see a spelling or grammatical error(s)… larry@larrychiang com

Larry Chiang started his first company UCMS in college. He mimicked his mentor, Mark McCormack, founder of IMG who wrote the book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”. Chiang is a keynote speaker and bestselling author and spoke at Congress and World Bank.

Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008. Due to the volume of calls, he may place you on hold like a Scottsdale Arizona customer service rep. If you email him, be sure to include your cell number in the subject line. If you want him to email you his new articles…, ask him in an email

You can read more equally funny, but non-founder-focused-lessons on Larry’s Amazon blog .